Gulf Oil Makes it Crystal Clear

Swirling in the oily waters of the Gulf of Mexico is one of the clearest examples of conservative governing philosophy you’ll ever see:


When in power, pack government agencies with do-nothing cronies, losers and crooks. Then, when voters elect Democrats to clean up the various and inevitable “Market Gone Wild” disasters, hector the government’s response as incompetent and ineffectual and ceaselessly pillory its officials – all as a kick off for the next election cycle.

That’s why you keep hearing the term “Obama’s Katrina” instead of “BP’s Katrina” or “Bush’s Katrina: The Sequel.” This despite the fact that the oil industry has bought and muscled its way out of just about every reasonable attempt to regulate offshore rigs since the Reagan era.

Conservatives call this self-regulation, and in this case, numerous reports suggest it worked a little something like this:

Oil Industry: “We’ll regulate ourselves much more strictly than you guys at the government ever could. We got everything covered.”

U.S. Minerals Management Service: “Great! Bring on the hookers!”

Now, we’ve got a situation wherein neither BP nor the federal government has the technology to stop the spill. Both organizations look impotent – but only one has leaders you can vote to fire.

Ingenious, no?

So what’s more nauseating: The cynicism and disingenuousness of conservative politics? Or the serial impotence of liberals and progressives against it?

Ah, the swirl…feel its spray against your face as you retch.

Deviants: Does It Take One to Know One?

[Warning: Some content may offend.]


When Republicans vowed to fight the newly passed healthcare reform act by hobbling it with red-herring amendments, I took heart. Surely, doing so would reveal their sanctimonious grandstanding and bitter obstructionism for what it is.

What I didn’t expect is that perversity would come out in that same wash. Yet, there was Republican Sen. Tom Coburn’s amendment to deny coverage of Viagra for convicted pedophiles.

Set aside the fact that Viagra merely primes the pump – not the libido. Set aside the fact that Viagra is covered at all by Medicare, Medicaid and most private insurers, while birth control usually is not. Also set aside the fact that these convicts are denied the right to vote ever again.

Instead, I ask: Who thinks like this? Other than an actual pervert?

I mean, is anyone else creeped out by the thought of Sen. Coburn sweating in the dark over the idea of rapists, pedophiles and other sex offenders gaming the healthcare system in order to procure performance-enhancing drugs for their dastardly deeds? Do such images haunt him when he pinches the cap on his own prescription bottle?

And if his concern is in earnest – and not a projection of inner predilections – what effect does he think denying these convicts Viagra and other ED meds will have on their desires or behavior?

Pedophile: You know, I’d really love to scoop some delicious little boy off the playground today, but it’s just no fun at half-mast. I think I’ll just sit here in my van and read the bible instead.

And what about the rapist with the whipped cream fetish? Should we discontinue food stamps to keep him off the streets?

Perhaps what’s most pathetic here – and most indicative of the disconnect between Coburn and those he would have us believe he intends to protect – is the notion that the use of Viagra by an assailant (let alone how or where he got it) is somehow a material detail in the larger tragedy.

Victim (between sobs): You know, I would’ve been OK with the whole thing – had it not lasted FOUR HOURS. I truly believe he stopped only so he could seek immediate medical attention. I half-feared that we’d end up in the same emergency room. And with these damn trial lawyers staking out the hospitals, he might’ve even sued me for arousing him in the first place. Ohhh, if only John McCain had won…and then promptly died…I’d still be pure.